Won’t Be a Ghost
Scene 7
FRANCIS lecture zone, COURT zone, and CHOIR are all actively present and energetically engaged at top of scene, so quick cuts between zones can be made.
FRANCIS
The iconic image of Sebastian is doubled in symbolic potency because his body is depicted as in between. In between life and death, in between martyr and sinner, youthful defiance and saintly submission, agony and ecstasy. So much more can be projected on this in-between kind of body. I’d like to argue that there is something inherently trans about this symbolic in between body. I’ve been thinking a lot about the power of escaping the body. For the saints, their magic comes from their mutability to correspond with the needs of the worshipper. No saint could have as much influence in life as in death. Their sacrifice is their singular body and finite identity, in exchange for our infinite desires.
But I’ve been thinking about bodiless power, not just in a saintly way; I’ve been thinking of it in a cyber way. When I was a closeted transgender teen, I spent a lot of time online, chatting on AOL with other queer kids. I was able to imagine myself in a way that seemed impossible in my daily life. The other kids held that space for me, and I held it for them. I think it felt safe precisely because we were disconnected from our bodies. The warm, protected, and slightly stifling nowhere of chats just didn’t feel like it had the same consequences. It was like a confession booth; we all shared an unspoken sense that what happened online was confidential. And without seeing someone else’s face, it’s easier to project sympathy, warmth, understanding, whatever you need.
I recognize something of my teenage self in the chats between the young Chelsea Manning and Adrian Lamo. I see Chelsea projecting that desire for safety and trust onto Lamo. It must have felt powerful for her to talk with someone who could not see her body: her boy body in army fatigues. Someone who seemed to understand her feelings about her gender. She could show Lamo the parts of herself she wanted seen. Her need to be to be validated and recognized as a queer person with strong moral convictions outweighed her concerns for her safety. She must have known the risks, but she seemed to be blind to the consequences.
I am plagued by the US army prosecutor’s line of argument:
FEIN
Ultimately, Your Honor, that’s why you have to divorce whatever issue PFC Manning apparently had from the crimes in this case. The United States is not disputing that PFC Manning may have been struggling with his gender identity. The government’s only question is why that matters.
FRANCIS
I don’t understand how to divorce Manning’s identity from her choices. Her very existence as a queer trans solider stands at odds with the culture of the US military. I think her way of navigating a culture that had no place for her was to develop a unique moral compass. I think it’s that particular moral compass compelled Manning to break rank, and to expose secret information about the Iraq and Afghanistan wars, two the most morally confusing and classified wars in US history. When society makes no place for you, and yet you still exist, you stand outside, looking in. And you see the cracks. Chelsea Manning is a person who spent her entire life in the closet, and who now writes that she sees herself as a “transparency advocate.” This is a person who knows how damaging secrets can be.
This is why her gender identity matters; this is why it’s related to her choices to buck the chain of command, and choose to expose what she felt were war crimes and hypocrisy. In early April of 2010, Chelsea Manning made the decision to upload 250,000 state department cables to a Wikileaks dropbox. In the following weeks, Manning’s emotional state clearly began to deteriorate. Prior to reaching out to Adrian Lamo, Manning sent this email (hold up email) to her superior officer to get something off her chest. And then she waited for someone to do something about it. No one reported her, no one punished her, no one even seems to have talked to her.
MANNING
To: Sergeant Paul Adtkins
Subject: My Problem
This is my problem. I’ve had signs of it for a very long time. It’s caused problems with my family. I thought a career in the military would get rid of it. It’s not something I seek out for attention, and I’ve been trying very, very hard to get rid of it by placing myself in situations where it would be impossible. But, it’s not going away, it’s haunting me more and more as I get older. Now, the consequences of it are dire, at a time when it’s causing me great pain in itself. As a result, I’m not sure what to do about it. It’s destroyed my ties with my family, caused me to lose several jobs, and it’s currently effecting my career and preventing me from developing as a person. It’s the cause of my pain and confusion, and it turns even the most basic things in my life extremely difficult. I don’t know what to do anymore, and the only “help” that seems to be available is severe punishment and/or getting rid of me. All I do know, is that fear of getting caught has caused me to go to great lengths to consciously hide the problem. As a result, the problem and the constant cover up has worn me down to a point where it’s always on my mind, making it difficult to concentrate at work, difficult to pay attention to whatever’s going on, difficult to sleep, impossible to have any meaningful conversations, and makes my entire life feel like a bad dream that won’t end. Like I said, I don’t know what to do and I don’t know what’s going to happen, but at this point, it feels like I’m not really here anymore, and everyone’s concerned about me and afraid of me. I’m sorry.
__________MANNING sits near FRANCIS while choir circles to sing “Bow”
CHOIR
You are my fantasy
I want to die
when you kiss me
with your arrow (x3)
You are my fantasy
I want to die
when you kiss me
with your arrow (x3)
My fantasy
kiss me
My fantasy
kill me
When it is all over
I want to lie
in the sweet clover
with your eros (x3)
All over
sweet clover
All over
sweet clover
O! do you have your bow?
Press it to your lips before you draw it.
O! where is your bow?
Press me, press me, press me to your lips.
Do you have, do you have your bow?
JUDGE
PFC Bradley E. Manning, this court sentences you to be reduced to the grade of Private E1, to forfeit all pay and allowances, to be confined for 35 years and to be dishonorably discharged from the service. Please be seated.
PFC Manning will be credited with 1,182 days of pre-trial confinement and 112 days of Article 13 credit for a total of 1,294 days of sentence credit. This court is adjourned.
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